The Good, The Bad, and the 67 Saab

I was having a conversation with M2 about 'the good old days' and was telling her that I had enough sense, even when I was just sixteen, to park my car on a hill during a flooding rain because I was afraid it would get flooded in a flat area. This fabulous car that I was trying to save was a 67 Saab, which Super D paid $200 for. A man named Zeke who had a salvage yard in our hometown brought it over to our house, and I went out to take a look. I don't remember the exact words, maybe something like a 'stretched out VW bug', or 'looks like a German army car', but as soon as I got behind the wheel that was the size of a hula hoop and pressed the horn, I was hooked. It was a ha-yonk, a two tone sound, that I had never heard before. It didn't matter that I had never shifted a three speed on the column before, I loved the horn. Sold!!
Thinking back, we were quite the car collectors. The oldest, Sister A, had herself a burnt orange Gremlin, brand new, and I'm pretty sure at the time Sister B had a red Opal Cadet Station Wagon. But we all had wheels. Because Super D didn't want us trashing her gold 4 door AMC Ambassor. Who would??
Back to the Saab. It had a few quirks. Like when in first gear you had to hold the gear shift or it would jump out and if you can all follow with me, you turn most corners in first gear. Now I'm 16, new driver, holding the column and turning that hula hoop like I am the one armed man from The Fugitive. I hit more than your lifetime share of curbs, but we made it, and many times that car was full of girls going somewhere that probably involved boys. The passenger armrest on the door would come off very easily, so my psycho friend Karen glued a piece of small rope to the end so when you held it up to your head, it looked like a phone.
Oh yeah baby, I had a European sports car with a phone and the COOLEST horn you had ever heard.
Sadly, no one told me that a 'two stroke engine' needed oil almost every time it needed gas, and it died a sudden death in the parking lot of the football stadium. We decided to 'let her go'.....


The Gremlin however, lived on but had issues. The windshield wipers kind of went to the beat of the song on the radio, had a gas leak, and if I would have accidentally flipped one of the Kool Menthols toward the back seat, I would either not be typing this or own the AMC Corporation. Oh yeah, and it flooded in the original part of this story because Sister A parked it in a low lying area and when we went to retrieve it, it was a 'floater'. Never was quite the same.

So I found this picture, and it made me think of the Gremlin.



But then I found THIS picture and it made me think of the Gremlin even more...........

they kind of look alike, don't you think??

LYsendmeyouraddressandI'llmailyouaBassetHoundbecausehe'sinmylapGuts,

Bj

I Wonder...

-I wonder when the Ranch Hand is going to get his stuff out of the garage

-I wonder if anyone will read my book if I write it

-I wonder when I can go to NY and meet my blog people

-I wonder when M2 is going to have her first boyfriend

-I wonder if I would like my floors if I rip up this carpet and stain the concrete

-I wonder if I will get to Paris in the next five years

-I wonder if I will finish painting my bathroom in the next five years (see photo LV)

-I wonder when my bathroom scale will become unstuck on the number that it is obviously stuck on

-I wonder why I didn't invent Facebook or Liquid Paper

-I wonder if I saw the weather lady out in public if I would give her a dirty look

-I wonder which dog under my desk just farted (raise a paw and admit it, Bella)

-I wonder why some people don't wear deodorant

-I wonder what those girls at the nail salon are saying about me

-and last, M2 had a good one this weekend: "I wonder why every time I see a Corvette it is always a bald old man driving it?"

-I wonder when she will know the answer to that question.

LYWonderfulGuts,

Bj

ps. go see Our Name is Blog- Jewelry Giveaway to link to a cool Etsy website for custom jewelry

Let Me Say This About That....

We had a LARGE time at Jimmy Buffett and I will definitely keep it on my annual calendar of things to do.........If you get a chance to go, try it and see if I'm right when I say its like Mardi Gras On Crack...........

Gotta go, I blew out my flipflop.....and I AM the woman to blame.

LYBlowupPalmtreeGuts,
Bj

Cheeseburger In Paradise...

Sorry I've been MIA. I have a confession. I have been seeing someone else called Facebook. I know, I know, I should have told you but I just wasn't sure if I loved FB as much as you. I've decided to share the love, and get back over here a little more often........

BUT, what I have found over there are people I had NO IDEA even still were alive, let alone where they are, what they do, who they married, who they divorced, what they look like now (some shockers) and all that. So this weekend, a huge group from Oklahoma are headed down for the Jimmy Buffet concert Sat night here in Dallas. I saw JB in Vegas a couple of years ago, and he is very good, but this group is really into the whole experience. Its beginning to be a little like Nascar with Margaritas, ie, trailers, campers, smokers, and tailgate parties. I can't wait to see them all and although we are all (ahem) much older, I can't help but feel like I'm going back to my first day of high school.

So, I'll report back after this parking lot/island gathering and fill you in on the dirt.

LoveYourTheySayYouAreASnuffQueen Guts,

Bj

A Joke From Texas, Yall....

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, 'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR' The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, 'He mated 50 times last year!'

They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, ''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR' The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, 'That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him!'

They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, 'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR' The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said,'That's once a day.You could REALLY learn something from this one !!!!

The husband looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow.'

(he is expected to recover from his injuries in about a month)

LYNoBullShitGuts,
Bj

Happy Birthday Miss Thystle!!!!!!!

Just a shot of Me, Lorrie, and Racie (Sheila took the pic) celebrating your birthday in style!

Have fun, and don't do anything we wouldn't do!!

Which means practically you can do anything you want.......

Happy Happy!

Dear __________

*poor little guy, title of this was "Sad" and it has nothing to do with this post, just made me go 'awwwww'

In honor of having nothing to blog about, I decided I would share a few of the things that bang around in my head on a daily basis. There are more than this, but these kind of stuck so thought I would share them with you:

-Dear Fred Couples,

Now that you are a millionaire, please pony up for a little Grecian Formula, because I will cease to brag to people that I made out with you in college if you start to look like my grandpa.

-Dear Asian Lady at my Yard Sale,
I am so sorry that I greeted you with the phrase HOLA. Honest mistake, so lighten up & Nameste, Chica!

-Dear Kitchen Sink,
For Gods sake,, I don't cook anymore, so why are you always full waiting on the dishwasher that is always full?

-Dear Underpaid Kid at Dicks Sporting Goods,
A Monkey could do a better job than you did yesterday. No income stream for Dicks from MY wallet, thanks very much...

-Dear Job-O-Mine in this economy,
Can't we just play nice like we used to??

-Dear M2,
Roll your eyes at me one more time and it will become a permanent condition. Love you, mean it. Your Muther.

-Dear Everyone concerned about my divorce that shouldn't be,
Need I say more?

-Dear Juan, my new Lawn Don....
Your landscaping skills thrilll me and my manicure more than you'll ever know.

-Dear M2's friends Mom that used to be my friend that I ran into at the grocery store,

Apparently, you still live vicariously through your children, and btw, you're a bitch. Sorry, I'm usually nicer than that but you so deserved that one.

-Dear Mother Nature,

What the hell is up with this wind? I feel like I'm in a science experiment gone wrong.

-Dear Facebook,

I love you and have neglected my blog for you lately. But I sure have found some eye opening photos of people from my past, I'm just saying!

Please feel free to add your "Dear Blank" and just get if off your chest(Thystle?) and out into the universe. Might feel good.

LYDearGuts,

Bj

Some People....

In the spirit of April Fools Day, thought I'd share a prank I pulled several years ago at a previous company I worked for. Our office manager was efficient, but drove everyone nuts not quite being as polished as we would have liked for her to be. But she was likeable. And gullible.

I heard a radio station pull this on the way to work that morning, and being in the AF mood, I decided I could do it to 'Shirley'. After her morning break, I left a note on her desk that said "Shirley-see me about a call I took from the phone company. IMPORTANT. So she pops her head in my office and asks what it is about....I tell her that the PhoneCo called and said they were cleaning the lines in our area today and when they used the high pressure air system to do so, built up dirt and dust could quite possibly blow back through the receiver and all over our offices.

They suggested that we cover the phones with plastic bags to reduce any of this coming into our offices. She said 'really?' and I reminded her how scratchy the lines had sounded lately (they had) and that is probably going to fix it. The 'blowout' would take place around 1:30 pm, per the phone company.

Well, we all come back from lunch, and sure as shit, 'Shirley' had 'bagged' about 20 phones in the office. With a note attached to 'see her' if there were questions. The manager at the time knew about the joke but didn't think she would believe it, and came out of his office with his plastic bag in his hand and filled her in on the whole thing. She just stood there and shook her head, and I think I locked the door on my office for the rest of the day, after I quit wheezing from laughing so hard I almost peed.

To her credit the next morning, I came into my office and there was a huge pile of dirt on my desk with a note on it that said 'you should have kept your bag on.'

touche, Shirley, where ever you are. Hope you aren't bagging any phones today.

LYFoolishGuts,

Bj