Look What I Bought You For Christmas....

WASN'T IT YOU THAT HAD A COLONEL SANDERS CHRISTMAS ALBUM ON YOUR LIST??????

I thought so.....

Greetings former Turkey Stuffers, now Christmas Shoppers, its time to shake that piggy bank and buy something for someone in some color at some store and wrap it up in some paper....!!!!

Yahoo!!! Need my list yet?

I am actually ahead of myself slightly, having a huge football day to keep me anchored at home, and out of the stores, so Christmas decoration prep is well underway at the House of Tail. However, I had to bribe my GF, Cougarista/Mom of Western Hills Drive, to come over later today and help me yank it all out of the attic, because I haven't seen that attic in years. There could be a whole new world up there just waiting for me.....or alot of crap. She and I have decided to find every free event in a 50 mile radius of Dallas to drag these kids to, so by the time Dec. 26th rolls around, they will have tinsel coming out of their noses.

My Sooners got an early Christmas present today, after bumping up to the #2 slot ahead of Texas!!! Thank you Santa!! Miami sounds great in January, so you may go ahead and slip me some plane tickets in my stocking....

LY Candy Cane Guts,

Bj

Stuffing things other than your bra....

Morning/Afternoon in some cases to all of you:

M2 is sleeping in late, ala no school, and when she is up we are off to the big famers market downtown to hunt and gather our prey of vegetables and whatever else those wacky farmers have down there today. Then we will be back and in the kitchen, where I will attempt to make my grandmothers dressing which I've never made, only know how it is supposed to taste, so I suppose that is one point in my favor.....

I have watched too many cooking shows this week and the variety of things that get stuffed into turkeys is mind boggling. My favorite, though, and I'm oddly fascinated by it, is someone I know is stuffing his turkey with White Castle hamburgers. No cheese, no pickles, his directions were 'cram as many up there as you can'. I had not heard the technique of 'cram' on the Food Network but if I did, it would be Guy Fieri with the white spiked hair. I heart him, BTW. He would say cram it up in there. And then take a sip of his cocktail. He needs to take that ring off of his hand though, it borders on Mr. T, fool.... oops, sorry, went off the story line....

ANYWAY, here's the deal. I'll think about you nut jobs tomorrow and be thankful you are out there. I wouldn't know some of you if you were sitting in my kitchen, but thats ok, you are welcome in my kitchen any time. We are expecting gorgeous weather for Tday, and family and friends and all that and life is good and kumbaya and pumpkin pie...

Have a great holiday, no matter what your stuffing is, and no matter where you are.

LYGiblet Guts,

Bj

BOOMER SOONER BABY

WELL, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT SCORE...............

65-21!!!!

Saturday night was fun in SO many ways, and although Sheila did not get a Tech win for her birthday, we all had too much fun anyway. Thanks to Val, fabulous time at your house as always, hope the aftermath wasn't too bad.

So, now the Sooners go to OSU in Stillwater next week and if we can keep this momentum going, it would keep us ahead of UT. I love this time toward the end of the season, its like a big pot of soup and the ingredients keep changing...

Here's the conversation over the BCS Menu:

Hi what are you having today?

I would like the Florida-Alabama special, heavy on the Florida

Sorry, we aren't serving that for two weeks, and we won't be sure about how heavy Florida is until the shipment of Auburn comes in.

How about the USC special?

Good choice, however Trojans may only be available in the mens room if we have any say in the matter.

Hmmm, Is the OU All The Teams You Can Eat Buffet still available?

Absolutely, and that should be our best special of all. We will put the UT ingredients on the grill, sprinkle it with some OSU orange flavoring, and hopefully have the BCS sandwich in our hands very soon.

Desert will be served in the Miami area...........

LY Pigskin Guts

Bj

Freaky Friday

If I owned this dog, I would also need the last hat from ournameisblog.blogspot.com when I walked him. They kinda go hand in hand, don't cha think?

Good to Know............

never enough

this picture has nothing to do with this post....well maybe it does.... I was going to spank the hand of people who aren't grateful for what they have but .......I had to just shove that down my own throat...read on..

Learning lots of lessons these days, pretty much the hard way, but none the less, learning. Still reeling from my friends death, and my own divorce, but now there is another divorce in the family that is equally hard to swallow. Everyone seems to be in their own orbit of their own planets, and I just decided that my plate is very full, running over, and may have a crack in it. Remember me? My glass is usually half full and I will share it with you if you need some. Not so much today.

I initially started this post to remind people that what they have is probably plenty, good enough, whatever, because lately I have been pretty sick of people that don't count their blessings. But now I'm having to suck it up and remind myself that too. That we are the only ones we truly can count on for our own fortitude, and the rest is icing. Don't get me wrong, I would be lost without the people around me, but when the day is over and you crawl into bed, you'd better have your shit together because you are your caretaker. I think I was looking around for someone to save me, and I fight the fact I have to save myself. Its a wonderful Pisces trait.

So, I'm back from my beach vacation with Guy and George and looking at the holidays with a little anxiety to make it wonderful for M2, who deserves it because 11 should be a great age for Christmas, while sucking it up and dealing with the Ranch Hand, and fa la la and all that. You can file this blog under "what the hell is wrong with her?" and I'll get over this funk like always and keep on keepin on. Thats what I do. Somedays, better than others.

LYG

Bj

Get This Party Started....

Pretend the following:

1. You scored a great house for a long weekend and unlimited funds for a huge gathering.

2. Of course your normal (or notnormal for many of you) friends would come along, but we'll make it a destination place that needs a plane ticket to get there so Drunk Neighbor or Icky cousin George can't just show up.

3. Name five people you would have at this party, and the location if you want to really go into fantasy mode.

Mine would go as follows:

Beach location, probably Cozumel cause you all know I love that place, and there would be a fabulous house right on a large private beach lighted with candles with great music and people named Jorge and Carlos bringing me margaritas.

I would invite:

1. Guy Fiorelli (need to check the spelling on that last name) because not only can he cook and that is a turn on, he is funny as hell and I need to touch that hair in this lifetime.

2. Craig Ferguson, for my BFF Cynthia, who tvo's his show and forces me to watch it and I have kind of started to 'get him'. They will wander off together after a few shots of Tequilla that she is famous for doing in Mexico, and we may not see them the rest of the evening. Plus, I've learned in the last 20 years that a Brit at a party is insurance for laughing so hard that things may come out of your nose...

3. Trace Atkins- that country singer with the long hair; he seems like a cool guy, but that voice...! DAYUM! I could sit and listen to that voice over a few margaritas...

4. Ron White- google him if you don't know who he is, he's one of the redneck comedians that got famous a few years back. He's the least 'red', but that guy is a slow burn toward hilarious while he downs a fifth of Dewars.

5. Wanda Sykes- she makes me pee in my pantalones....

The only rule is don't say "Felix Jackson" like we are going to know who the hell you are talking about. Explain him, and I guess why, and he'd better be fun cause there are steep cliffs are in Cozumel.

Boring people get tossed at midnight.

LY Fantasy Guts,

Bj

Our Lady of Perpetual Verbosity

Disclaimer to the above photo; I am in no way, no how, trying to upset any of my fine Catholic readers, whom I'm sure number in the thousands by now, by using this pic. I found this piece on a site called Mexican Grocer, and it is actually the picture of a puzzle they sell. And you can also get Our Lady of PV on playing cards too, when a good game of Catholic strip poker breaks out.

I've been doing this blog thing for approx 5 months, finding new friends/chicks like me/etc and lately I've been told I'm verbose. Honestly, I had to look it up, and frankly, I was hoping the definition was witty, charming, and wise. Not so much. Basically it means I talk alot. In writing. So I've been thinking about a new style, a new approach, a new outlook on this newest description of me and I can't do it. As Megan (Smartini) says, this is the stuff thats in the freezer called my head. And its been in there a long time, some of it coded with a sharpie as to the contents and the cooked on date, and then there are mystery bags that just need to be thawed to find out what is in them. So I have decided to keep on serving this buffet of previously frozen items, and I apologize in advance for the run on sentences and lack of correct punctuation and randomness and my Texas accent that you say I have but I don't hear it and my occasional post when I've had Chardonnay and talking about dog fights and raising a child and my Oklahoma Sooners.

You must come over when I find the foil package in there somewhere that when thawed and microwaved will surely be about being chased by a buffalo, and the tupperware that has the story of me traveling to Louisianna with my cremated cat in the backseat.

You'll love them so much, you'll want the recipe.

LY Perpetual Guts,

Bj

Look Who's Coming to Dinner

Looking at the calendar of upcoming events and decided to get my shit together and figure out the upcoming 'Holi-Daze'. Normally, which is no longer part of my dialogue, you just assume you are going here or there and seeing them and them and then go home. But now, with a house divided, I am having to schedule Thanksgiving Day around who is cooking when, and all that. But its ok, once again, just an adjustment not a problem.

I started digging out recipes and looking for something different and then I thought, hell, all of you are 'different' in so many ways, send me the following:

-any recipes other than turkey & dressing and sweet potatoes, unless all three end up in a blender together, and if so, you are on your own anyway

-something that you always have, or want to try or a really different twist on a classic.

-traditions you follow other that food; mine is that m2 and I get up and cook together in our pajamas while we watch the Macy's Day Parade and she has hot chocolate and I have Baileys & Coffee....

-I actually had to cook the turkey last year and never had done that part so I was nervous and then Tyler Florence (yumm) was on the Today show and said when your turkey is close to being done, lay bacon across the top and finish cooking it that way and I did and it was heaven.

-any disasters, I love those stories. This is true; my grandmother would always set the most beautiful table, all the china, crystal, etc, she pulled out all the punches on TG and Christmas. I think her table sat about 8 or 10 people and it was all ready to go. Well, we show up with our new dog, a dachaund named Schnitzel, and he decides he is going to chase the cat through the house and the cat shoots up on the table that is completely set and runs down the middle and that damn dog went right behind the cat down the middle of the table. Shit was flying off the table, my grandmother, Mama B, freaked, got the broom and chased them through the house and I believe Schnitzel was tied outside the rest of the visit.

Share your turkey love right here....

Notes from a Chili Cookoff...

Hey, trying to get a little back into the game, and decided to post something funny that you all would like. Its from my friend Tim in Ohio, who personally I think he thinks we Texans (and Oklahoman's) are total rednecks. But a Chili-Cookoff in Texas should be on your short list of things to do. Long but worth the read:

The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.

"Here are the scorecards from the event:

Chili # 1 (Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili)

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy sh*t, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

Chili # 2 (Arthur's Afterburner Chili)

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

FRANK-- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Chili # 3 (Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili)

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.

Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

FRANK-- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer!

Chili # 4 (Bubba's Black Magic)

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

FRANK -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. b*tch is starting to look HOT... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

Chili # 5 (Linda's Legal Lip Remover)

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK-- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

Chili # 6 (Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety)

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers

Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

FRANK-- I sh*t myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that sl*t Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.

Chili # 7 (Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili)

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

FRANK-- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like sh*t to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8 (Tom's Toe-nail Curling Chili)

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili.

Tonight I saw a dark cloud with the sun behind it

I have several coffee cups that I love, and many I never drink anything out of. I should get rid of those. But the ones I love have meaning, either the place I got them or the person I got them from. And I always chose one of the special ones over and over, every morning.

I had a friend named Dessa who lived in Austin, Texas and was the funniest, goofiest, good hearted person you could know. I met her through work and she ended up being a great friend and I loved every part of her, her spirit, her laugh, and just knowing I had a 'work day' lined up with her when she was in town. More than once, we had to pull over on the side of the road and gain composure because we were laughing so hard.

And then yesterday I got a phone call. That my wonderful darling friend had taken her life. She had gotten so far down in a dark place and couldn't find her light or any light I guess, and just checked out on us. I am sad beyond sad because I tried to reach out to her, but couldn't get her to hear me.

The last time I was with her, when things were still good, we went to a cool place in Austin that sold tea and herbs, and just this and that. I picked up a coffee cup that a local artist had made, and it felt good in my hand, was the right size, just perfect if you like coffee cups. I showed it to her but it was $20 and I didn't need a $20 coffee cup at that moment.
So we bought other things and left, and the next day when I was packing to come home, I looked in my bag and there was that cup. And she laughed and said that 'you loved that cup and life is too short not to have good things in our life....'

I don't know how to deal with this exactly, just crying in waves and talking to friends and collegues that knew her. I know I tried so hard to reach her during the spiral downward, but nothing I could have said would have fixed the place she was in.

And her life was way too short, but mine is good because I had her in it for a while.

LYG
Bj

turn it up and DANCE

Ok, I'm feeling all blah...and suddenly thought, I need some music! And you probably need some music!! So keep your quarters, its free on Mondays, and any day for that matter, and tune in to a few of my favs that may get me up to vacuum or fold clothes....or drink a glass of wine.

This mix may sound like I've already had too many, but lets just say I like this about that...

http://canarelli.org/Clocks.mp3

http://lfa.atu.edu/music/barber/guitar/EverytimeIRolltheDice.mp3

http://www.pocketlint.org/music/leonableedinglove.mp3

http://affordablecomputerz.com/music/JimmyBuffettWhyDontWeGetDrunkandScrew.mp3

LY dancing guts
Bj

One Down, Two to Go.....

Ok, just a few more thoughts about how much fun this weekend was and then we'll move on and talk turkey and mistletoe. If you want.

First. It was Friday. Best day of the week when 5 oclock rolls around.

Second. I early voted. And, ahhhem, cough cough, the word Palin was no where to be found on my ballot.

G to the Race will be happy to know that secret information.

C. We had a blast trick or treating, oh and the kids did too. So many great costumes, like this one of Michael Phelps...he was about 18 months old and the biggest smile on his face. Boys like these are what I call Chubby Bubby's...he got extra candy from me to keep those thighs happy.

And although we didn't get photos of some of the adults, we came up on a house that had a group out front, and realized last year three guys in this group were all dressed up like slasher movie characters and very scary and this year they were Cinderella, Bo Peep, and The Little Mermaid, complete with beards, beers, and cigars. My GF that I was with made a note of the address cause we're not going to miss that group ever. And they had great candy. And wandering down the street was a guy covered in moss and he kept jumping out at people from behind cars and it was pretty funny.........cause he didn't do it to us.

So Now. Throw out the Jack O Lanterns while eating small Almond Joys, tell the girls down under we are moving on to our next Holi-Daze which they don't celebrate, and start surfing for new things to do with turkey.

Like let someone else cook it.

LY Little Pumpkin Guts,

Bj