Is Zanax spelled with a Z or an X?

I am having one of those days, where wine would make me sleepy but I am on the verge of something ugly. Sister B and I know when we say to each other 'get the clown suit' that means we are so overstressed, that we could be on top of a bank building with a toy gun wearing a clown suit, and then on the news. I wouldn't act like I was shooting, but I would like the thrill of the helicopters hovering over just to get my mind off of everything else. Some people smell flowers, meditate, eat chocolate, I just want to know if you are going to see my rainbow wig blowing in the wind from the chopper. Then I'll come down and it will be all better. I just thought about my mug shot with clown makeup and a rubber nose! Would that be hilarious to see on Channel 5??? Will someone promise to TIVO it? ANYWAY, if anyone reading this really loves me, you will show up in the next 30 minutes with that yummy bread and make it all go away. Or with a Zantac, as my mother, Super D refers to them.........
And while you are surfing today, if you haven't already, check out ournameisblog.blogspot.com
She has a cool contest on her site (I SO want that watch)
LYG
Bj

My first Advertisement, of course, for food....

Heres a note from one of the chicks, Val, who is the most wonderful hostess, and I take this endorsement as gold..........don't know if everyone has Whole Foods, but if you don't there is yet another reason to visit Dallas.

Hey everyone! Run to your nearest Whole Foods and check out these amazing stuffed breads. Philomena Food Company is the name. They are handmade locally(Dallas) with the freshest ingredients and they are wonderful as an appetizer and so easy to pop in the oven and then slice. They are in the freezer section. There are several different flavors to choose so get one of each! Val

So I say, first one to go get these should have us all over and we'll bring the wine. (photo is of some chick named Saint Philomena- couldn't find a bread pic)
LYG
Bj

Doobie Doobie Do......

This is so funny, I had to send it out. I have three nephews, and they are all hilarious in their own rights, and of course inherited much of their sense of humor from moi. I have tormented them since birth, but they all survived and they are yummy.

I can't use any names but nephew B was best man at a pretty big wedding for his former college roommate. I called sister A to find out how the wedding was and she divulged the fact that the couple getting married had 'saved themselves' for their wedding night. SAY WHAT???

Sorry but not something you hear everyday. Anyway, nephew B got together with the DJ and I don't know if any $$$ changed hands, but instead of the song they were SUPPOSED to dance to for the first dance, suddenly, they heard old Blue Eyes start singing STRANGERS IN THE NIGHT. Then the DJ zipped it over to the real song, and only the wisest of the wise knew the dirt on that one. The groom shot nephew B a look but started laughing.

I am so proud that nephew B has my sick sense of humor, he's getting something from Aunt Me. A happy meal used to do the trick, but I may stick a Coors Light in as the 'prize' with those chicken nuggets. LYG MGM-You da bomb.

Earthquake Smirthquake.....

In lieu of turning this into a true Mommy blog, I thought I would cover some current events, which today included a 5.4 shaker in LA. I used to work in California alot, and my clients were natives, and we always compared notes on Earthquakes VS. Tornadoes. They all said they would rather have eq's instead of tornadoes, much less severe, blah blah blah. WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY THINKING? Here, we know 'its that kind of day' that a tornado could pop up. We know when a cloud with rotation is five counties away, so we are all watching tv, checking batteries, and dragging mattresses to the bathroom. There are probably women in Texas that have run out and gotten a pedicure! (so your toes look good when they dig you out of the rubble and you are on tv saying it sounded like a freight train. We do need to attach a new sound to it people, that freight train is getting old)

THEY, those wacky Californians, however, are sitting in highrises, crossing bridges on the interstate, sitting under a wine rack in a restaurant, whatever, and the sssshhhhhhaaakKKKKKIIIINGGGG starts. Where, really do you go? Under your desk? Pull over on the bridge? Hide under the hostess at the restaurant?

I'll take a tornado any day, instead of suddenly thinking I'm having a seizure, but realizing that the car I'm driving is having a seizure too. You people are crazy.......

My Pool is warm like a toilet

I know I keep EMPHASIZING the horrible heat wave 'down here', but for God's sake, it is one of those summers that when the weather guy starts talking, I think they're playing a tape of him saying "its gonna be hot" because he is wearing the same clothes everyday!! Not reallly, but hell, he could. He should hop on a plane and go north for about a month, because its looking like this shit is going to stick around. My gardening strategy has been elevated to RED: Survival of the Fittest.....

And could I just give a shout out to the IDIOTS who have to be REMINDED not to leave their children in the friggin car? Or their dogs? How about some shade and agua for that Perro, Pedro????

I wish someone would give me a badge and a whistle..........Morgan thinks thats a horrible idea.


Golf and Tennis camp went well, however, the first comment in the car was "I stink at golf". Oh well, I'll cancel the monogrammed bag that said "Tigress" and we'll concentrate on the tennis part. I did tell her to take out her agressions and whack those golf balls as hard as she could, so thats the strategy tomorrow. Hope she doesn't hit anyone or anything at 'the club'. Since we're not members and we live on the 'other side of the lake'. They'll let anyone in...........for cash.



Haven't seen any news reports about the Sexy Six in a Mexican jail, so hope the chicks are home, sunburned and happy. I'm going on the next trip, damnit, if you have to smuggle me like heroin all the way to Lake Texhoma.

leave me a note that you were here

LYG-BJ

Hang on, here we go.........

Monday, July 28th, Hot as Hell in Dallas, and 29 days until school starts.

Today is the first day of Golf & Tennis camp for attachedatthehiponlychild. Can't think of better weather to do either one in, since this week will be all over 100 degrees. I may make her take a bath in Gatorade, just in case that does anything to relieve the shock to her body. But, if you are eleven, you are not thinking I could die, pass out, or throw up the lunch provided bologna sandwich right after we 'tee off'. Oh well, hope she finds a new passion in either one. My nephews would be all over the golf thing, and I will renew my tennis elbow condition if its the latter.

Tales from the Sled Team at the House of Tail

It not surprising that out of all three dogs, Bella is the tv watcher. She will get comfortable somewhere and watch an entire episode of Bobby Flays Throwdown on the Food Network, probably because she thinks something may fall off the grill and she could GET IT- happens at home, why not on that box that people live inside of? The funniest thing she has done watching the tube is there was a commercial showing two people running, and when they ran off the screen, she went around the side of the armoire to see where they went! It was classic..........and she is SO CHALLENGED!!! She is somewhere in my office right now, farting; can't see her but

.............I know she is in here somewhere.

I also ordered a Peticure nail thing for the dogs, and when I get it, I'll let you know if it is a deal or a dud. (peticure.com)



And finally,....

if I didn't send you the following youtube link, check out http://www.youtube.com/v/jCnAjel02lM&hl=en
that is the sweetest thing I have ever seen- but don't worry, I won't run out and get a puppy to sing to. I'll just spray Febreeze on the ones I have while asking them "who farted?"

LYG-
Bj

Innocent Innocence....

This is about Morgan and watching her grow up and be as cool as you can be at eleven. She demanded that we cut her long thick gorgeous hair, hair that any of us would drop to our knees and thank Shakka that we had it because 'it gets on my neck'. Ok, ok, its your head, so off we go. She told the girl what she wanted, and actually came away with a shoulder length bob, with layers, and is really cute. Back away from your child, Mom, she wants to grow up. We get home and she invites a friend over to swim, and she meets her at the gate with her new hair, new swimsuit, and large white sunglasses. (if you've ever seen Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, those white sunglasses were all stolen from the Oompah-Loompas). Then they swim and chat and float and do what kids do in the pool. I was in and out of the back yard, watering, scooping up presents from the sled team, just hanging around and semi listening to them, and finally sat down with a glass of wine. (shocking).

Bailey, the neighbor: you sure have alot of birds in your back yard

Morgan: yeah, they're noisy and they poop. We call the black ones Walmart Birds and we hate them.

Bailey: I think those two over there are called Doves.

Morgan; yeah, they are, and I'm afraid of them because they 'fight' all the time.

Bailey: why do they fight?

Morgan: I don't know, but just watch them, they'll start in a minute

Sure enough, seconds later, two doves landed on our fence, and started DOING IT. They fluttered around and DID IT SOME MORE!!! And then ONE MORE TIME. Then they lit a cigarette and flew away...........

Morgan: Told ya

Bailey: thats scary.

(note to M2 from Mom- I love eleven and you can shave your head if you keep this innocence for a little while longer, and I won't even call you a Oompah-Loompa anymore when you pop on those white shades.)

The sum of the parts equals this???

this is a post I did for ournameisblog.blogspot.com, my new friend in NYC that got me hooked doing this. One day I will buy her a glass of wine, I feel sure.....

How excited I am to be a guest on Lorries Blog, since I have just butted my way into her life whether she wanted to LOVE ME or not! This could be the equivalent of Ed McMahon ringing my doorbell !

I found her accidentally and am a total fan and share her weekend wine wisdom with my friends here in Dallas, the Original Chicks ("HEY to the girlz"). I don't really know where Lorries fans are located, but I'm sure she is INTERNATIONAL by now (since receiving the Arte Y Pico De Gallo award~!) BUT why I am saying that is the usual perception of people in Texas is that we all are rednecks, have big hair, and drive pickups. Well, we do not ALL drive pickups. Unless we need to bring something really BIG home. Like a longhorn steer to put in the back yard...........you know, for the kids to play with. Then for a barbeque before they get too attached.

This blog disease I've contracted actually started over dinner one night with the Chicks when someone brought the subject up of actually making $$$ doing this! We laughed and said we should start a blog, so since I do everything I'm told, I now ramble and write to them with no apparent direction or particular subject. Trouble is, I'm computer challenged so it shows up to them as an email, and I told them I like it that way because I'm like the weird estranged brother in law that just shows up in your inbox. Don't act like you are not at home. I can hear the TV.....
I have THREE dogs, which I call the sled team, and my dog blog is Tales from the House of Tail. The Scottie, Abner, is the smallest and self appointed security. He is 22 pounds of Bad to the Bone, as in, the meter reader fears him, and I like it that way. Bella, a Lab mix that looks like a dingo, was obtained in a parking lot under a free puppy sign, and bless her heart, she is challenged. I seem to hear the Rolling Stones singing 'get a girl with far away eyes' when I look at her. And the latest addition is a full blood Basset named Owen, who truly wandered into my life and we rescued each other. He has a secret to tell me but I haven't decoded it yet. So I just get those soulful eyes in the mean time. Last but not least, we live in a house the size of an AMC Pacer, so we are CLOSE, as in tripping over each other. I'm thinking about drinking my Chardonnay from a sippy cup soon.

I own and feed Attachedatthehiponlychild. She is a dream come true, and even though she thinks my ATM card is part of my arm, she is worth every penny. She is truly a Chick in Training~ the shopping/spending DNA has pretty good taste, so I'm hoping to be fortunate and not fight the weird hair, piercings, or boyfriends named Skater Boy. I know I am just twisted enough that I will be able to run off Skater Boy with ease, precision and probably alot of pleasure, and then place her in my own version of the witness protection program. I am that "Muther."
I love all types of music, and told Lorrie my rating system for a good song on the radio is whether or not it makes me want to open my sunroof. Lately, that is also a choice whether or not you want to melt your mascara because we are pretty much hovering around 100 degrees everyday in Dallas. August is even hotter, so if you are now saying "yall are crazy to live there", I'm running around in shorts in February while other far away lands are shoveling that white frozen shit that makes us crash into each other down here. Snow and Texas do not go together in so many ways.........Our kids make great DIRT ANGELS though, and that can be a year round sport!

(That sounds pretty redneck doesn't it? OK, go ahead and plug in the bug zapper. )

This was fun and I now will be forced to get my first tatoo to mark the occasion. I'll probably sign off and then think, oh I wish I'd said this or I wish I'd said that but maybe I'll be back to write again. If not, I'll just show up, and don't act like you aren't home. I see some lights on in there............
Cheers,
Bj in Dallas

Contemplating sand.........

and living vicariously............
I saw a show last night on Fine Living, while I was folding clothes and looking around the room knowing I need new flooring, paint, furniture, pretty much the whole package. I love to see how the other half lives but 9 times out of 10, I feel woefully inadequate. Last week flipping through Vanity Fair, I realized the first 30 pages are tanned boy toys with tan abs, Dolce, St. John, Burberry, blah, blah, blah. And while I know the fashion people say "these are just guidelines for the fashion trends" I think they go to Happy Hour with the Fine Living folks, and at the top of their dry erase boards are the words "Have we made our viewers and readers feel woefully inadequate?" Then they toss back their heads, laugh an evil laugh, toast their iced tequillas and someone yells PRINT~!!!!

Actually the show I was watching on FLN was about resorts in Mexico and I thought about the 'Sexy Six' about to invade Cancun. I drifted off to my favorite bar in Cozumel called Coconuts that sits on a cliff on the east side of the island (you MUST reply if you have been there). You rent a POS jeep and drive over there (those mopeds are only if you have a death wish to die in a foreign country by being hit by a POS jeep), climb the flagstone to get to the top of the cliff, and look out at the most beautiful view of the most beautiful blue water and then someone brings you a beautiful margarita and you are entranced to stay a while. At least I can go there mentally when I need to. I think I'll sprinkle some sand under my desk today and close my eyes.........

One side note; you have to climb DOWN to leave, and after an afternoon of sun and margaritas, you MIGHT stumble a little bit getting down, (I didn't) but someone COULD and then fall against a death wish moped someone has just parked and burn your leg on the exhaust pipe- didn't happen to me but I'm just saying it could, Cynthia
adios, chicas.................

Sweating through Summer.......

GREETINGS FROM ME AND MY COFFEE CUP ( July 7, 2008)
Hey, I just had the urge to write this to say WE ARE ALMOST HALFWAY THROUGH SUMMER BREAK.
Mother of the Year is still working and juggling Morgans schedule, and another stint for a week at my sisters didn't work out because of a new job (damn her for taking a job when I needed a sitter). So we were walking through Walgreens last night and they are putting out FRIGGIN SCHOOL SUPPLIES!!!! I tried to high five the stock boy but I scared him.........

On a different note, has anyone said to you "hot enough for ya?" I think anyone that says that should automatically be given a wool cow suit and put in front of a Chick Filet at noon to wave people in. I swear maybe I'm hanging out at the wrong places, but I have heard it twice recently. NO, ITS NOT HOT ENOUGH FOR ME! I'm middle aged, female, and in and out of my car all day just out long enough for any chance of ice in a drink to melt and become luke warm. Gimme some August baby, no place for sissies........... But suddenly, I realize AUGUST IS WHEN SCHOOL STARTS!!! I LOVE AUGUST!!!
Oy Vey, sorry. I am thankful for all of the above, actually, Morgan, summer break, school, sunshine, a great job, and my chicks contact list. Don't delete me...

Rewind...

I am so excited to be so computer challenged but at the same time, actually brave enough to put this thing together! Now you have to visit me, and I'm keeping tabs about who 'comes over' in case I need to send my cousin Guido over to politely remind you to view this CF I'm creating.

AND, any of the girls (you know who you are) are welcome to post on here with me- it could be fun.........

BUT, I'm putting some old stuff on here so I at least have a starting place, you know, kind of like stuffing your bra. Hopefully it won't get lopsided, and I do have some new stuff to add. Imagine that.

Love Your Guts (LYG) thanks Conc.
see you soon
Bj