So Close to Being Acosted.

I have almost figured out my new digital camera, and WHEN I DO, besides the vacation photos that you are getting whether you like it or not, the Sled Team has posed for many shots and are demanding some screen time. You've been warned. Its coming. Like global warming. And your stimulus check. And gray hair. And more posts from me............

with photos.

LYCoolPixGuts,

Bj

Not So Fast, Fashion World....

Throughout this bloglife, I have made comments towards the fact that my next birthday would be significant, painful, and end in a zero. I am finally not denying the fact that its right around the corner, but....

SO IS BARBIES!!! If you have seen the press that Barbie turns 50, HBD Barbie, its not true, because.............SHE AND I DEBUT'ED THE VERY SAME DAY!!! March 9, 1959, and I have newspaper clippings to prove it.

So, she and I would like to publicly announce for about two more weeks, we are still 49, and I would also like to add that my waist and boobs will never look like that bitches.

LYMalibuGuts,

Bj

Time to Shake The Money Maker

Talking to some friends yesterday, we all were moaning and groaning about the current economy and how it SUCKS. Every one I was discussing this with is a commision type sales person, and all of our sales in January were in the 'oh de twa-let....' but we are all good at what we do and ended the conversation saying, we'll bounce back, we're strong, kumbaya, etc. So driving home, I'm thinking what is my new single mom strategy to offset this economy????

I've decided that if I find the right venue, which hopefully won't include a pole, I could make some cash. See, I have things around this house that are worth something to someone, and I could use less dust catchers.

Purging while Obtaining Optimum Wealth. Or Ebay. Or Craigs List.

Maybe I'll start my own site, getridofyourshit.com. Or buymyshit.com

or youknowyouwantit.com. Because see, I have this longgggg list of things I want to replace the old ones with some new stuff. Lets see,..

-the appliance package from Home Depot, before my oven catches on fire one day (*see 15 yr warranty post)

-a doggie door, but actually in the window if Owen can get up and over the 12"

-some Prada boots I can't get off of my mind

-a big spa weekend in Austin

-M2 a lot of new clothes, she is growing right before my eyes

-a new stereo that goes through the entire house, and I can turn on and off speakers to which room. Wait, I'm bumping that one up to the front.

I'm sure you've all felt like this before so help a sista out....what did you do to offset your slowing economy??

LYPolaroidPictureGuts,

Bj

Happy Valentines Day...

original artwork by my blog friend, David Kramer, NYC

Love Stinks, or Ode to Complicated Boy......

Dear CB:

Everyone goes through Dancing Barefoot on Broken Glass Relationships to find the real one. And you're seven. To Hell with The Slide Girl. Hope your Mom (Our Name is Blog)keeps this post for you and lets you read it about 15 years from now.

I agree with your dad, ignore her.

Your Aunt in Dallas that you don't even know,

Bj

I love the internet. I was going to post something about a friend of mine's bad blind date, it was just too funny. So we start talking and I find a website called http://www.baddatehaiku.tumblr.com/- some girls in NYC started it, and if you want to laugh you ass off, go there. And then lets all write one too, you all are twisted enough to come up with some good stuff. and hey, we've ALL been there. Just some more than others.

I'll start

I'm smiling through this hell

You've given me more advice than my counselor

I think I saw a window in the bathroom

OR

I'm smiling through this boring hell

Glad you're willing NOT to teach me golf

you should have that thing on your face removed

OR

Is that your real hair?

The eighties called

They don't even want it back

OR

Excuse me while I take this call

What? My house is on fire?

I love my girlfriends

your turn

LYDontCallMeI'llCallYou Guts,

Bj

The Fifteen Year Warranty

Unbeknownst* to me, somewhere in the stack of papers when we closed on this house, there must have been a page that said all warranties on everything in your home will expire at year 15, all within a small window of time, and consequently break, stop up, not open, freeze over, leak, or fall off. I have also thought that when we leave the house, someone is coming in and 'adjusting' these things that were fine a minute ago, but then I realize, yup, its a 15 year old item. Still skeptical though, may need a Nanny Cam. The Sled Team have no thumbs, which would be required to accomplish some of these hostile takeovers, but hey, I'm made of money and I have the yellow pages, so its a win win.

But it is annoying the hell out of me. Its like the Karma Goddess is saying watch this, how are you going to deal with this one, or more like 'who you going to call' and so I end up with a black man and his white installer in my garage making male grunting noises and fixing the garage door that was inches from crashing down on my car.

But I tricked them all today. I just applied for that home warranty thing that my mortgage company said "try for 60 days".

I'm so gonna get my moneys worth out of that deal. In sixty days around here, I'll probably put them out of business. And then I'll go back to my old ways, duct tape, super glue, and the yelllow pages. Bwahhhhaaaa..

Love Your DIY Guts,
Bj

*to my knowledge I have never used the word 'Unbeknownst' until today

Grandma Wanted her Wallpaper Back

As you can tell, I was in the mood for a Re-Do and since I am not at the artistic level of creating my OWN look, I must rely on the stock of not very many backgrounds to choose from. So if I mess around with this thing, you can say yay, ney, or whatever..............or offer to be my artistic director and come up with a whole new look.

Or just send money.

LYVersatileGuts,
Bj