Pretend the following:
1. You scored a great house for a long weekend and unlimited funds for a huge gathering.
2. Of course your normal (or notnormal for many of you) friends would come along, but we'll make it a destination place that needs a plane ticket to get there so Drunk Neighbor or Icky cousin George can't just show up.
3. Name five people you would have at this party, and the location if you want to really go into fantasy mode.
Mine would go as follows:
Beach location, probably Cozumel cause you all know I love that place, and there would be a fabulous house right on a large private beach lighted with candles with great music and people named Jorge and Carlos bringing me margaritas.
I would invite:
1. Guy Fiorelli (need to check the spelling on that last name) because not only can he cook and that is a turn on, he is funny as hell and I need to touch that hair in this lifetime.
2. Craig Ferguson, for my BFF Cynthia, who tvo's his show and forces me to watch it and I have kind of started to 'get him'. They will wander off together after a few shots of Tequilla that she is famous for doing in Mexico, and we may not see them the rest of the evening. Plus, I've learned in the last 20 years that a Brit at a party is insurance for laughing so hard that things may come out of your nose...
3. Trace Atkins- that country singer with the long hair; he seems like a cool guy, but that voice...! DAYUM! I could sit and listen to that voice over a few margaritas...
4. Ron White- google him if you don't know who he is, he's one of the redneck comedians that got famous a few years back. He's the least 'red', but that guy is a slow burn toward hilarious while he downs a fifth of Dewars.
5. Wanda Sykes- she makes me pee in my pantalones....
The only rule is don't say "Felix Jackson" like we are going to know who the hell you are talking about. Explain him, and I guess why, and he'd better be fun cause there are steep cliffs are in Cozumel.
Boring people get tossed at midnight.
LY Fantasy Guts,
Bj
17 comments:
My digs would be my friend Jon King's catamaran, sailing in the French West Indies, the galley stocked with cases of rum, vodka, really good French white wine and another case of Benson and Hedges Menthol Light 100s because this is a fantasy and I can smoke without repercussions.
Assuming I was not married to Paco and therefore in no danger of being served with divorce papers for wanton adultery, I would have as my boat guests:
George Clooney
Brad Pitt
Javier Bardem
Paul Newman (being a fantasy he is still with us and about 35 years old)
Barack Obama (Michelle was asked to stay home as this was Top Secret POTUS-type stuff and she would not understand any of the Code Words).
We are then shipwrecked on a deserted island because no one is paying attention to who's driving the boat. The deserted island happens to have a deserted, but brand new and fully-stocked, Four Seasons right on the beach. I have all the room keys.
thats what I'm talkin about...
but Clooney and I are already on Lorries deserted island....but he has a clone twin brother since this is a fantasy........
meet you at Lake Como
Bob Dylan
Roger Waters
Keith Moon
Les Claypool
A Swedish hooker
@ Fort Jefferson
ok so I having a house party in a mega home in the hills above Queenstown NZ and I will take ...
Hugh Jackman - yes BJ I know you wanna come now ....
Sam Neil - a kiwi actor - older dude but just seems like a fun type
Jim Kerr - and the whole band - Simple Minds - scottish crew - still got the crush on him ...they can play 80s music and make be dance till I drop.
And a cook - so I think I need Nigela Lawson - a great english strumpet and all round domestic goddess.
so I have music, the cook, the intellect and the eye candy and now maybe a comedian ....Paul MczDermot - a home grown crazy who wears snazzy retro inspired suits and can raise one eyebrow at a time ... just like me - hugs le
just raised an eyebrow on the fact that you can raise one eyebrow..who knew
and Hugh Jackman.......hmmmmmmm
I could put a new spin on the term down under just thinking about that one......
Jesus
Bruce Springsteen
The Book Girls & Kreg
The Spawn
Backyard of my new sprawling Mcmansion in the suburbs. I figure The Book Girls and the Boss are all the entertainment I could handle, and that I have a FEW QUESTIONS for Mr. Christ and would spend the evening close talking with him, while he furitively glanced over my shoulder hoping to escape and hang with Thystle for awhile. Plus, it would be fun to see if Kreg could convince BJ that her roots were Swedish.
First off, I throw terrible parties, so I suspect there would be kidnapping involved to secure guests. But once all the victims, I mean GUESTS were secured aboard the private plane, we'd jet off to a private island in the Bahama's to dine on everyone's personal favorite foods and consume tons of adult beverages. As for guests...hmm.
I'll count all my blog girls as 1 guest because really, I'm pretty sure we have a hive mind.
Then, I'd take the New England Patriots football team for guest number two and I call dibs on Teddy.
For guest three, I'll stop cheating and bring Oprah, because she's OPRAH. Also, maybe coming to my party would ensure me a spot on her favorite things show.
Guest four would have to be my real life sisters (cheating again, I know) because if you think *I* am nuts it's only because you haven't met them
and for guest five, I'm bringing Robin William's because he is one funny mo-fo.
VEASEY!!!
your comments made me spit out my
GLOGG and drop my meatballs....
I"M JUST SAYING....
you'd better have Jesus at your gathering cause you're not going to prison, you may have a pass to hell if you don't change your vays...thats Swedish for 'ways'
Thystle- do you know I have a hard time typing that word? Slutty would be so much easier...
just kidding
your party would be fab because you've already broken the rules by using one pass for an entire football team...love how you roll.
Robin Williams should answer the door, and if your sisters are more twisted than you are, we may need police presence. Off to get a swedish massage...
Hi BJ!
I thought I had left a comment a few minutes ago, although it didn't make it! I found you on Shindig's site, and, like you, I live in TX, am the only democrat I know, loves me some Sooners, and some pinot grigio! Love your site! Come check mine out sometime!
Oh, 'Tater Salad' is the funniest shit evah!
OK, I actually had to come back to this because I needed to really THINK about who I wanted as my extra guests. Here goes:
All of this would take place at this gorgeous house in Punta Burro, just outside of Puerta Vallarta that I went to last year. It's on the beach, it has a pool plus the surf/sand. Oh, and it comes with 'people' who make fabulous margaritas & the best guacamole EVER:
1. Jimmy Buffet - to provide music & maybe some party favors
2. Craig Ferguson -- I'm with Cynthia on humor, plus he's Scottish so how much fun would he be!
3. Tim Gunn, so that he could make sure that me & all my friends are dressed great and look fabulous. Plus, I'd love to dish with him
4. George Clooney -- sorry BJ & Racie, you'll have to share him. Besides, our events will be at different times so really we'd get him on all 3 occassions
5. Eddie Izzard -- because he's hysterical, super smart & kinda sexy. He's be so interesting...
OK, there you have it. And remember: this is all with blessings of sweet hubby, who will be there. Along with all my friends (the Chicks, the Bitches & the Blog-girls)
BJ & Zakary -- I love Ron White too! Tater Salad is so funny.
BJ -- tell Cynthia she has to rent a move called Saving Grace. It's written & produced by Craig Ferguson plus he's one of the stars. It makes me laugh & laugh...
I agree with Lorrie's idea to invite Hiz Honnah Jesus. That way if we ran out of wine he could just turn on the taps and whip some more up and it would be the good stuff!
Are Swedish Hookers preferable to the regular kind?
no hookers at my party, unless you count LV and Miss T...
well technically, you have to CHARGE money to be a hooker, and since I give away the lovin for free I would prefer if in the future you referd to me as Ms. Whore, or Ms. Ho for short.
I can't speak for Thystle because I've heard she gets $40 for a BJ.
The fact that you need to touch Guy's hair cracks me up! And ditto on Ron White. "I was drunk IN A BAR. You threw me into PUBLIC"!!
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