*poor little guy, title of this was "Sad" and it has nothing to do with this post, just made me go 'awwwww'In honor of having nothing to blog about, I decided I would share a few of the things that bang around in my head on a daily basis. There are more than this, but these kind of stuck so thought I would share them with you:
-Dear Fred Couples,
Now that you are a millionaire, please pony up for a little Grecian Formula, because I will cease to brag to people that I made out with you in college if you start to look like my grandpa.
-Dear Asian Lady at my Yard Sale,
I am so sorry that I greeted you with the phrase HOLA. Honest mistake, so lighten up & Nameste, Chica!
-Dear Kitchen Sink,
For Gods sake,, I don't cook anymore, so why are you always full waiting on the dishwasher that is always full?
-Dear Underpaid Kid at Dicks Sporting Goods,
A Monkey could do a better job than you did yesterday. No income stream for Dicks from MY wallet, thanks very much...
-Dear Job-O-Mine in this economy,
Can't we just play nice like we used to??
-Dear M2,
Roll your eyes at me one more time and it will become a permanent condition. Love you, mean it. Your Muther.
-Dear Everyone concerned about my divorce that shouldn't be,
Need I say more?
-Dear Juan, my new Lawn Don....
Your landscaping skills thrilll me and my manicure more than you'll ever know.
-Dear M2's friends Mom that used to be my friend that I ran into at the grocery store,
Apparently, you still live vicariously through your children, and btw, you're a bitch. Sorry, I'm usually nicer than that but you so deserved that one.
-Dear Mother Nature,
What the hell is up with this wind? I feel like I'm in a science experiment gone wrong.
-Dear Facebook,
I love you and have neglected my blog for you lately. But I sure have found some eye opening photos of people from my past, I'm just saying!
Please feel free to add your "Dear Blank" and just get if off your chest(Thystle?) and out into the universe. Might feel good.
LYDearGuts,
Bj
9 comments:
Dear BJ,
If you're going to post one of the photo results for your search for "naked guy" and "pussy", at least post a racy one.
Regards,
Krëg
Dear Dogs that Don't Sleep, you can all SUCK IT or you're going to live at BJ's house until you learn to fetch coffee properly.
Dear Kreg,
You win the Dear_______prize for saying naked guy, BJ, and the p word all in one post.
Your prize is an expired Starbucks card and a limited discontinued Christmas Platter from Lorries basement.
Good Job.
Dear Dumb Arse Idiot High Flyers,
Admit you have been naughty naughty boys and go see Mistress BJ for your punishment ...
Dear Darling Boy
If you punch daddy in the goolies one more time I am going to throw Dora doll into the compactor of the rubbish truck and you can go cold turkey.
Dear rude school children on the bus into town ... I hope you grow some empathy and feel really mean inside that you let the granny stand while your fat lazy ass took up the seat.
Dear people with a double arts degree ... opps ....
Dear 4WD ers in suburbia - I hope you like it wet and hot cause you are so contributing to climate change for NO good reason ... can that tank float ...
this is soooo fun .... we should make it a monthly feature and all do it together - hee hee love le
dear automated phone system inventor .... I hope god makes you select from the 101 menu options before you get sent to hell
dear dress making people ... could you please just standardise the sizes so a 12 is a 12 and a 14 is a 14 .... etc etc
Dear Crazy Bi-Polar, ADD-riddled, narcissistic Boss,
Please stop ignoring me and my efforts to do my job so that you can then turn around and throw me under the bus when it all goes pearshaped. Please find a doctor who can either help you not be such a prick or who will prescribe ME some medication so I can continue to deal with you. There are literally thousands of people out there whom you have dissed, angered, insulted, cheated, made cry and had their friendship bridge with you burned to the ground and who would gladly go to prison for first degree murder just to see the look on your face when they stick a butcher knife through your spleen. If Paco or I don't win the lottery so I can quite my miserable, disheartening and completely unrewarding job soon I may be the one doing time in the Big House soon because I finally one day can not deal with your crazy, completly insane world. One day when you do finally go one to your reward, it won't be on the up escalator but on the one going in the opposite direction and I will feel sorry for people down there because they will have to put up with your crap for eternity. Even people in Hell deserve better than that.
sincerely,
Racie Lover
Racie
That will be $25 US...
I can't afford to pay you because in addition to the daily dose of humilation and insults I have to endure, I haven't had a raise in three years.
This was absolutely funny as hell. I know all about those rolling eyes. And I love the picture of that pour cat. Does that sound sadistic? I don't mean it to be. And it was a rhetorical question anyways. Sad for sure. I think I'm due for a dear_______letter of my own. This way of venting seems more sincere and will possibly save somebody from a good ass kicking. Thanx.
and of course I meant say "poor".
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