Ok, my BFF Cynthia, the jaded divorced mother of three boys and I got together last night sans children, which BTW, happens as often as Haleys Comet, and sat in my kitchen having some wine and comparing calendars for the upcoming month. We had my laptop out and she said 'let me show you some funny shit' and pulled up Match.Com. As many of you know, I've always said no way to that as a way to meet people, and we laughed and put in our zip code and started our verbal/(verbose?) tour of man-dom out there. Paleeessseee......., here is what we came up with.
Dear Match.Com,
You really need to let your postees know the following. First, the men need to get a female friend involved when choosing the photos and profiles they are posting. The first photo your potential 'date' might see is not attractive if your tongue is out or you are holding a dead animal or fish. Trust me. THEN, your additional photos should not be with you at some black tie event (cause it was your best photo) also shown with your 'date' that night that could have been a paid hooker. OMG. At least black out her face. We know that is not your daughter...And don't post a picture that looks like you are running for City Council next to the one of you in a hot tub.
Choose a decent name for your profile, not GroovinUBaby , Sweller Feller, RockUrWorld, FrickinCrazy, or MissingOneSnuggler. Ewwww.... Steve99 works pretty well, and probably will attract less of the Lizzie Borden types if you know what I mean. And don't say you're athletic when we see one of your 19 photos posted in a bathing suit. I think you missed the 'semi' or 'want to be' in front of the word athletic. Finally, but I'm sure there will be more when Cyn and I go for round two, if you are 55 years old and your preferred age range of dates starts at 18 and stops at 35......that is just gross. Gross, gross, gross.
Our final conclusion was that we would just leave this on the back burner for a while and do what we've been doing. Chasing children, trying new recipes out, sitting in my kitchen or taking the sled team to the park. I trust fate that I'll be at 7-11 one day and Mr. Dinner Only will hold the door open for me while I run in to get Slurpees. And he sees kids and , dogs in my car and thinks I'm cute.
It could happen.
Alot faster than me 'winking' (thats what you do if you think someone is cute) at CardioDan (duh, are you a doctor??) or AlphaTiger4U. Last but not least, spell check the word Niemans.
For real, CountryCarl.
LYFixMeUpWithYourBrotherAfterTheDivorceIsFinal Guts,
Bj
5 comments:
As fate would have it I have a spare brother living in the states, single for ten months ... he's 40 is that ok .... maybe you are after a real toy boy :) le xoxo
As you know, some years ago, pre-Paco, I ventured into the dark underworld of match.com and one or two other on-line dial-a-date sites. That is where I met, among others, Mr. Wig (not hair piece, but full-blown WIG), Mr. Desperate (asked me to be his Valentine 5 minutes after meeting me for coffee and then stalked me for 6 months afterwards), Mr. Said He Was Divorced But Then That Pesky Wife Showed Up At My Door, and last-but-not-least Mr. Old Fart who was actually a pretty nice guy, had lots of money and NO HEIRS. He also had one foot on a banana peel and if I could have managed to cheapen myself long enough for him to put me in the will I might be driving something newer than a 1999 Ford Explorer right now. But I maintained my integrity and held out for someone my speed. I was eventually rewarded with Paco, who did not cost me a dime since I met him through our mutual friend S., and the rest is history.
Hang in there BJ and don't waste your money on match.com. Most of the guys on those sites can't read unless they move their lips and stalkers are way over-rated.
Oh, if you want a laugh, skip Match.com and check out the Craigs List personals. AHAHAHA. It's like a train wreck. A gloriously man-boobed train wreck.
Ah BJ- with a name like yours I would think meeting men online would be super dooper easy.
Every pot has its lid girlfriend.
Until then, remember that a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. Liberate yourself babycakes.
You guys are funny...this post was not really about me meeting someone at all... so not there yet.
More like pure entertainment regarding the photos & names of who is out there....yuk yuk yuk
I know there is a lid for my pot, and yeah, BJ gets their attention up front, sadly in a few cases, but their reaction actually sorts them out for me early...
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